Lack of Faith?

Two weeks ago, on a Wednesday morning, while I was at the doctor's office for what I thought would be a pretty routine visit, I was faced with a bit of a scary moment that caused me some fear and doubt and led me to have a temporary lack of faith in what God was doing in our lives.

As part of our requirements for adoption, both Rachael and I are required to have signed reports given by our doctors about our health. I'm pretty sure it boils down to the agency wanting to make sure we're not going to be dying anytime soon or that we might give some sort of disease to our child! Anyway, as part of that, we're required to have a test for TB (tuberculosis). I didn't think much of it. As far as I knew, I was perfectly healthy in that sense.

Long story short, when I went to the office for the results of the test, I expected for them to take one quick look at my arm, say, "Yep! No TB!" and sign the form I needed. Instead, my arm looked rather red and puffy in the location where they gave me the TB test and I was showing a POSITIVE! My doctor got a bit worked into a frenzy, which didn't put me at much ease. I was immediately ordered to go get a chest X-ray and have blood taken for further testing.

For the next few days, while waiting for the results to come in, I kept telling myself (and my wife) that everything was OK. It was probably just a mistake or that it was reading a false positive. That's what I was saying on the outside and what I wanted to believe, but if I were really being honest, I allowed myself to think the worst. I was worried that everything we had been working on toward adoption up to this point was going to come to a screeching halt! I was worried that maybe God's plan for us was different than I thought!

Jesus' disciples also had a moment of fear and doubt about God's plan. Jesus had been betrayed, arrested and beaten. The cheers from the crowed which days earlier were shouting, "Hosannah! Hosannah!" were now shouting, "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" He was sentenced to death, nailed to a cross, and took the penalty for our sins. After all the miracles they witnessed and all the things that they had heard Him say and do, the disciples found themselves cowering in fear in a locked room, uncertain about the future. What did it all mean? How could He be dead?

Three days later, the tomb was empty! Jesus had risen! The problem for the disciples wasn't God's plan. It was their lack of faith and understanding in who God is and His greater plan. During my own moment of fear and doubt, I had the same problem as the disciples. It was my lack of faith and understanding in what God had already proven He was doing in our lives. In that moment of uncertainty, I lost sight of who God is and His faithfulness and love for us! Why should I have doubted Him? Why would He take us so far in this journey only to slam the door in our face? Why did I not trust Him more? It's moments like this that I realize how much He is stretching me and challenging me to trust Him throughout the journey.

I had a few days to think and pray about all of this, and I was praying hard! There were others I shared my story with who I asked to also pray with me for good results. Obviously, Rachael was praying! So were my parents and her parents as well. Never underestimate the power of prayer!

On Friday, I received a call from the doctor's office telling me that they had received my chest X-rays and that they were clear! It was a good call for sure, but I was still waiting on the blood tests. I finally got a call the following Tuesday (nearly a week after all this began) that confirmed the results of what we had been praying for! I did NOT have TB!

This was just a small moment in our journey that for me personally, caused me to stumble a bit. I now look back and think how foolish of me to think such a way! God is bigger than our greatest problems and His plans are perfect, way beyond our own understanding! We just have to trust Him to see them through!

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight."