The process of adoption is long. We first met Marina, Evan, Jenna, Isaac and Marina in July of 2007. It’s easy to get lost in two years of document preparation and waiting and legal steps that eventually lead up to this five-week adventurous trip to Ukraine.
The focus is always on the next step in the process. Go here. Get this signed. Do this. Do whatever. The “amazing race” part of the process takes center -stage, even while a much more deep and challenging process is evolving. Trust!
With every step of the process, these children are saying quietly, “I trust you”. They have no mentor, no True North in their lives to help them process or prepare. Many of the voices they must listen to are sending messages “against” trusting us. Some out of jealously, others out of ignorance.
Even after our court date, a teacher pulled Marina to the side in a hallway in the orphanage and whispered for her to “not go to America”. Jenna had a teacher work against her adoption for months. Even so, they trust.
The first steps of trust are opening up to unconditional love. It’s unfamiliar.
Hearing the promise “I want to adopt you” requires trust. Why should they believe? What does it mean? Could it be true? A family! For me?
(This is the moment where I could have typed, “America, for me?” But that’s not what this is about for them. America is not the goal. It’s not our zip code, or our stuff they are putting their trust in. The prize is “family”.)
Trust is required in the early days of the process when we have permission to take them away from the orphanage to hang out for a few hours. These precious hours provide the first “family moments” for them and us.
Trust is required to go into a courtroom and say yes to a judge. Even so, they trust.
Twelve days ago, I picked up Marina to take her away from the orphanage and her friends, forever. The 10-day wait from our court session had expired and she was legally ours. She said good-bye to friends and the full-time trust was for real.
While we have been in Ukraine, I have been as dependent on her as she has on me. I have the money; she knows the language and culture. We’ve been a team, even though I have been made to feel clumsy and clueless on several occasions, rightly so.
But yesterday, she sat in the seat beside me on the airplane in Kyiv. We had cleared customs, but we were still on the ground. She was quiet. Just looking out the window.
I let her look out the window in silence, not knowing what she was thinking. We taxied out to the runway, and the speed of the takeoff took over. As we were climbing from the runway, I noticed that we had a perfect view to the east, the direction of Poltava where she had lived for 8 years. As I tapped her on the shoulder saying “Poltava”, she turned to look at me. One big tear, rolling down her face said it all. This is not easy.
The full weight of what we have asked of her, and all of these kids, was captured in that moment. Their trust is now in our hands. And ultimately in our Father’s hands.
I don’t know if I could do what these kids are doing. I have become way comfortable with my predictable life. Unfortunate for me maybe. The spiritual message in this is clear. We have all been adopted, in Christ. Praise God we have another home and we can trust Him.
Pray for us as we work to keep the promises and merit the trust placed in us…by these children.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Marina's Amazing Race! (and Pony Express)
We start home on Friday, .....IF.......
We get Marina's passport from Poltava to the U.S. Embassy in Kyiv by 2:00 p.m.
Here is how that would work"
8:00 a.m. Zhenia, our facilitator, is in Poltava, four hours away. He goes to the passport office and uses his power of attorney to get our passports that arrived the night before by bus in a bundle with all of the other passports for that region.
9:00 a.m. Zhenia has the passport and goes to make a copy of it and then faxes a copy to U.S. Embassy.
9:30 a.m. The passport is in a van with Andre, traveling to Medical Center in Kyiv where passport is presented at 1:30 so that medical can be completed.
The Pony Express part is that Andre will only deliver the passport close enough to get to the end of the subway/Metro Line. At that point someone will grab the passport from Andre taking it by Metro line (with no traffic jams) to the Medical Center.
9:30 a.m. U.S. Embassy pulls our files and enters the newly established passport numbers and they begin to process Visa application.
1:30: Marina and I are waiting at Medical Center where we are finished and.... (need the passport there)
1:40 p.m. We walk out of Medical Center (which closes at 3) and we go to Embassy
2:00 p.m. U.S. Embassy staff sees official passport for first time. We leave it.
2:30 p.m. Hopefully we can get passport back that day with visa because we have been filling out forms and application since monday. it is usually a two-day process.
Go directly to the airport to check-in for a 5:30 flight on Air France. Lay over in Paris (at the airport) and then home on Saturday afternoon.
We get Marina's passport from Poltava to the U.S. Embassy in Kyiv by 2:00 p.m.
Here is how that would work"
8:00 a.m. Zhenia, our facilitator, is in Poltava, four hours away. He goes to the passport office and uses his power of attorney to get our passports that arrived the night before by bus in a bundle with all of the other passports for that region.
9:00 a.m. Zhenia has the passport and goes to make a copy of it and then faxes a copy to U.S. Embassy.
9:30 a.m. The passport is in a van with Andre, traveling to Medical Center in Kyiv where passport is presented at 1:30 so that medical can be completed.
The Pony Express part is that Andre will only deliver the passport close enough to get to the end of the subway/Metro Line. At that point someone will grab the passport from Andre taking it by Metro line (with no traffic jams) to the Medical Center.
9:30 a.m. U.S. Embassy pulls our files and enters the newly established passport numbers and they begin to process Visa application.
1:30: Marina and I are waiting at Medical Center where we are finished and.... (need the passport there)
1:40 p.m. We walk out of Medical Center (which closes at 3) and we go to Embassy
2:00 p.m. U.S. Embassy staff sees official passport for first time. We leave it.
2:30 p.m. Hopefully we can get passport back that day with visa because we have been filling out forms and application since monday. it is usually a two-day process.
Go directly to the airport to check-in for a 5:30 flight on Air France. Lay over in Paris (at the airport) and then home on Saturday afternoon.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Control
Control is a myth! No one down here on earth has any! Thank God.
Today I received a phone call with info that let me believe we were on track for a passport on Thursday.
So, we could set our flights home.
So, after I got the "good news call", I spend about 30 minutes online researching Delta.com and Expeida, and then I called Delta International (42 minutes at 89 cents per minute) and changed our flights and paid the change fees and move our flights from Thursday to Friday.
Five minutes later, I get a call that the Poltava office has not actually released the Kyiv office to proceed. At, 5:30, when offices close, we still did not know.
At 6:00 p.m., Marina and I go to dinner with Linda Tur and a friend. Have a nice dinner and dessert.
All is good. We are in Ukraine.
And happy and thankful to have Marina in my custody.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Today I received a phone call with info that let me believe we were on track for a passport on Thursday.
So, we could set our flights home.
So, after I got the "good news call", I spend about 30 minutes online researching Delta.com and Expeida, and then I called Delta International (42 minutes at 89 cents per minute) and changed our flights and paid the change fees and move our flights from Thursday to Friday.
Five minutes later, I get a call that the Poltava office has not actually released the Kyiv office to proceed. At, 5:30, when offices close, we still did not know.
At 6:00 p.m., Marina and I go to dinner with Linda Tur and a friend. Have a nice dinner and dessert.
All is good. We are in Ukraine.
And happy and thankful to have Marina in my custody.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Monday, June 22, 2009
We are Stopped! On hold!
Every step of our process is complete. When we get our passport, (which we ordered last week), we will have a medical check-up for about an hour, and take that paper to the embassy and within a few hours, they will give us the passport back with the Visa stamped in it....... It's that easy.
However. We are on hold. Legally, Marina has been our daughter since last Monday. She is legally in my custody and I am 100% responsible for her.... my daughter.
And.... I cannot get her out of Ukraine and into the U.S., so we are on hold.
The missing step here is an electronic transfer of her new name, as declared in the court decree, to her tax account in Kyiv at the national office. The application for a new passport with her new name cannot proceed until the name on her tax number matches the new legal name.
The Poltava office has attempted the electronic transfer on Thursday, Friday and Monday. Something is not working. This is the same simple transaction that happened for the Dunham family three weeks ago with no problems, instantly.
So, tomorrow, our facilitator (Zhenia R.) will go to the office in Poltava and attempt to resolve the issue and maybe even ask for some manual process and a document that can be deliver to Kyiv.
It seems that getting a passport on Wednesday for travel on Thursday is now not an option. I am afraid to call Delta to look for options because it is summer and travel up.
We are passing time by watching movies (English sub-titles on some of them). It's hot, so we take our walks late in the day.
Wireless Internet helps. I am staying in touch with the happenings in Birmingham and with the Student Life Teams. Five Camp Teams are doing a great job. We have hosted almost 30,000 teenagers so far and summer is not yet halfway done.
Yesterday I met four girls who are serving in a camp with Radooga. All four of them attended a Student Life event in the U.S. last year and saw the info about Ukraine and signed up to serve. It was great to hear their stories.
Tomorrow we are going to visit an Orphanage, Father's House.
However. We are on hold. Legally, Marina has been our daughter since last Monday. She is legally in my custody and I am 100% responsible for her.... my daughter.
And.... I cannot get her out of Ukraine and into the U.S., so we are on hold.
The missing step here is an electronic transfer of her new name, as declared in the court decree, to her tax account in Kyiv at the national office. The application for a new passport with her new name cannot proceed until the name on her tax number matches the new legal name.
The Poltava office has attempted the electronic transfer on Thursday, Friday and Monday. Something is not working. This is the same simple transaction that happened for the Dunham family three weeks ago with no problems, instantly.
So, tomorrow, our facilitator (Zhenia R.) will go to the office in Poltava and attempt to resolve the issue and maybe even ask for some manual process and a document that can be deliver to Kyiv.
It seems that getting a passport on Wednesday for travel on Thursday is now not an option. I am afraid to call Delta to look for options because it is summer and travel up.
We are passing time by watching movies (English sub-titles on some of them). It's hot, so we take our walks late in the day.
Wireless Internet helps. I am staying in touch with the happenings in Birmingham and with the Student Life Teams. Five Camp Teams are doing a great job. We have hosted almost 30,000 teenagers so far and summer is not yet halfway done.
Yesterday I met four girls who are serving in a camp with Radooga. All four of them attended a Student Life event in the U.S. last year and saw the info about Ukraine and signed up to serve. It was great to hear their stories.
Tomorrow we are going to visit an Orphanage, Father's House.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
U.S. Embassy Today!
It's Monday morning in Ukraine. We've enjoyed a nice weekend. This morning we are going to start the process at the U.S. Embassy. Goal this morning to confirm with Embassy that we have everything in order.....just waiting on a passport on Tuesday or Wednesday.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Whispers! Rumors!
“Whispers!” The word gives a clear picture. Whatever the Russian word for “rumors” might be, it seems that it is sometimes translated as “Whispers”. The two babushkas (grandmothers) were not able to give us any facts or leads today, to support what Marina heard from them two days before.
In our first visit two days ago, Marina heard that she had a little brother, like it was a fact.
Today, what we heard was very different. I am thankful for Zhenia Rudnytsky, our facilitator once again. Zhenia traveled more than two hours by cab to meet with us today and to translate and even investigate. Zhenia is such a nice guy. He and Marina were able to gracefully navigate a conversation with the two babushkas.
Here is some of what we learned:
Marina’s grandmother lived close to these two ladies (her sisters) in the house that Marina remembers as her home.
What Marina remembers as her home was actually her grandmother’s house, not her mothers.
Marina’s mother’s name is Oksana. These ladies called Marina Oksana several times spontaneously. Marina looks like her mother.
Oksana (Marina’s mother) was married but never took good care of Marina and so Marina was taken from her at six years old. This is when Marina went to the Poltava orphanage.
Oksana had a terrible reputation… many men.
Oksana’s husband was not Marina’s biological father.
Oksana’s mother (Marina’s grandmother) begged her to move back home with her and begged her to go to Poltava and take Marina back from the orphanage and promised to help take care of Marina.
Oksana said NO. She said that she was never coming back to Globinov.
Oksana had two sisters. Very responsible ladies. These two sisters moved to Russia, and sent monthly support to their mother (Marina’s grandmother who was living alone).
Eventually, Marina’s grandmother’s health was bad.
Grandmother wrote to Russia for help and her two daughters came from Russia and took grandmother to live with them.
The two sisters (Marina’s aunts) sold grandmother’s house (where Marina grew up to age 6). They sold the house legally without telling their sister, Oksana, who was absent. They took the money to Russia for grandmother.
Oksana found out and was very mad. Oksana shows up from time to time demanding the address in Russia from neighbors and the babushkas. They told today of her most recent visit one month ago. Oksana threatened them and caused a “scandal”.
The babushkas said that the information about a little brother was only “whispers”.
Next we talked to a neighbor.
This lady across the lane from Marina’s home was so kind. She invited us in. We got a clear picture of village life. Goats. Chickens. Garden. Dogs. And more. Poor and Poor and not so clean.
She was happy to talk with us.
On the subject of little brother, she said. Not possible. I have never heard of such a thing.
She told us that Oksana is married to a man who is about to die. Lung cancer or something. Oksana showed up about a month ago to ask a neighbor ( a nurse) about her husbands chances for recovery.
So, here is what we understand:
Marina’s Mother is alive, even though there was no record of her in the court case 20 months ago to register Marina for adoption.
Marina’s father is unknown…. Forever.
The possibility of a little brother is very small…. And, maybe just a rumor.
I cannot clearly describe how poor these people are by most standards. I don’t feel comfortable giving details about the cleanliness of their situation. Village life in Ukraine is not changing and progressing like the city. Not even close.
The babushkas were so kind and proud of Marina. They enjoyed the visit and the photo album Marina gave them. Tears flowed often during our 45-minute visit.
Finally:
Marina heard some tough things about her mother today. No one respects Oksana, or had anything good to say. She is an outcast.
Marina heard things today about a family that she did not know existed two days ago.
Last night (before our visit), I heard Marina talking loudly in her sleep. She says she does not remember any dreams, but she was restless.
When we were leaving the last visit, I asked Marina if she wanted to talk to anyone else. She said no. I asked Zhenia to ask if she was good to leave without knowing more. She said she was ready to go.
I am certain that Marina was much better taken care of in the Poltava Orphanage than she could ever have been cared for in Globinov. I am convinced that many of the ladies working in the orphanage in Poltava care deeply for these children. The children have clothes, and meals, and standards. So, I am thankful to the kind ladies who have given all of these children a home in the orphanages.
And Marina’s story continues, in our family. Beyond three meals a day, and clothing, and an education, she is now being transported to a world of:
“mother” and “father” …..“brothers” and “sisters”…..unconditional love and all that comes with this messy, crazy journey we call life,......the journey that we are all on to hopefully become more like Christ.
Valerie and I are patient as we share with all of these kids, our faith and our relationship with Christ.
Randy
In our first visit two days ago, Marina heard that she had a little brother, like it was a fact.
Today, what we heard was very different. I am thankful for Zhenia Rudnytsky, our facilitator once again. Zhenia traveled more than two hours by cab to meet with us today and to translate and even investigate. Zhenia is such a nice guy. He and Marina were able to gracefully navigate a conversation with the two babushkas.
Here is some of what we learned:
Marina’s grandmother lived close to these two ladies (her sisters) in the house that Marina remembers as her home.
What Marina remembers as her home was actually her grandmother’s house, not her mothers.
Marina’s mother’s name is Oksana. These ladies called Marina Oksana several times spontaneously. Marina looks like her mother.
Oksana (Marina’s mother) was married but never took good care of Marina and so Marina was taken from her at six years old. This is when Marina went to the Poltava orphanage.
Oksana had a terrible reputation… many men.
Oksana’s husband was not Marina’s biological father.
Oksana’s mother (Marina’s grandmother) begged her to move back home with her and begged her to go to Poltava and take Marina back from the orphanage and promised to help take care of Marina.
Oksana said NO. She said that she was never coming back to Globinov.
Oksana had two sisters. Very responsible ladies. These two sisters moved to Russia, and sent monthly support to their mother (Marina’s grandmother who was living alone).
Eventually, Marina’s grandmother’s health was bad.
Grandmother wrote to Russia for help and her two daughters came from Russia and took grandmother to live with them.
The two sisters (Marina’s aunts) sold grandmother’s house (where Marina grew up to age 6). They sold the house legally without telling their sister, Oksana, who was absent. They took the money to Russia for grandmother.
Oksana found out and was very mad. Oksana shows up from time to time demanding the address in Russia from neighbors and the babushkas. They told today of her most recent visit one month ago. Oksana threatened them and caused a “scandal”.
The babushkas said that the information about a little brother was only “whispers”.
Next we talked to a neighbor.
This lady across the lane from Marina’s home was so kind. She invited us in. We got a clear picture of village life. Goats. Chickens. Garden. Dogs. And more. Poor and Poor and not so clean.
She was happy to talk with us.
On the subject of little brother, she said. Not possible. I have never heard of such a thing.
She told us that Oksana is married to a man who is about to die. Lung cancer or something. Oksana showed up about a month ago to ask a neighbor ( a nurse) about her husbands chances for recovery.
So, here is what we understand:
Marina’s Mother is alive, even though there was no record of her in the court case 20 months ago to register Marina for adoption.
Marina’s father is unknown…. Forever.
The possibility of a little brother is very small…. And, maybe just a rumor.
I cannot clearly describe how poor these people are by most standards. I don’t feel comfortable giving details about the cleanliness of their situation. Village life in Ukraine is not changing and progressing like the city. Not even close.
The babushkas were so kind and proud of Marina. They enjoyed the visit and the photo album Marina gave them. Tears flowed often during our 45-minute visit.
Finally:
Marina heard some tough things about her mother today. No one respects Oksana, or had anything good to say. She is an outcast.
Marina heard things today about a family that she did not know existed two days ago.
Last night (before our visit), I heard Marina talking loudly in her sleep. She says she does not remember any dreams, but she was restless.
When we were leaving the last visit, I asked Marina if she wanted to talk to anyone else. She said no. I asked Zhenia to ask if she was good to leave without knowing more. She said she was ready to go.
I am certain that Marina was much better taken care of in the Poltava Orphanage than she could ever have been cared for in Globinov. I am convinced that many of the ladies working in the orphanage in Poltava care deeply for these children. The children have clothes, and meals, and standards. So, I am thankful to the kind ladies who have given all of these children a home in the orphanages.
And Marina’s story continues, in our family. Beyond three meals a day, and clothing, and an education, she is now being transported to a world of:
“mother” and “father” …..“brothers” and “sisters”…..unconditional love and all that comes with this messy, crazy journey we call life,......the journey that we are all on to hopefully become more like Christ.
Valerie and I are patient as we share with all of these kids, our faith and our relationship with Christ.
Randy
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